Wilderness

On Sunday I went with a couple of friends on a hike up to Annette Lake. It was such a needed break from routine. One of my goals this past year was to go hiking more, something I failed at miserably. But I'm hoping to do it a few more times this winter as it was lovely being above the snow line. The lake was frozen over and so beautiful. The cold lends everything a harsher beauty than warmth does, a more introspective landscape.

It was nice to discover that I wasn't nearly as out of shape as I had worried I might be. It's never fun to be the slow one in a group and I think I kept up pretty well. It was 8 miles round trip which was a good distance for a first time out in a while hike. Oddly, because of the snow and ice it was actually harder making our way down than going up. Having had a concussion before from falling and hitting my head I am in no hurry to repeat that particular experience. So that made for an especially cautious trip in some stretches. I'm glad that we made it out there when we did, because I'm guessing in just a few weeks the snow will have made the trail to treacherous to climb.

I decided to leave my real camera at home in order to not have to bring a backpack, but then forgot to switch my phone into airplane mode. So I was only able to snag a couple shots before my phone died from searching for a signal for too long. Oh well. Lesson learned. We are hoping to go again this weekend and I hope that we do. It can be easy to forget how absolutely necessary nature is for your soul until you are in it. It started snowing on our way down and it was one of those moments you just want to stand still and lose yourself in for a little while.

Tiny Echoes in the Universe

Is this a phenomenon that happens to everyone or just me? That thing that happens when you first learn a new piece of information and suddenly you hear it mentioned three more times the same week. Or you randomly happen on a word you didn't know the definition to and then your best friend uses it in a sentence the next day. It seems like sometimes we will ideas and information into life, or at least our own lives. And of course the argument can be made that because this information is new to us we are hyper aware of any mention of it, which would otherwise still exist but go unnoticed if we had never looked up that definition or stumbled upon that Wikipedia page 15 clicks deep. But somehow....I don't think that's true. 

What brought this train of thought to my mind? Last night I was taking a bath and reading a library book. And I remembered a funny conversation I had once had with a good friend in which she explained how she hates the idea of sharing a book with untold numbers of strangers. Her reasoning made sense; people sneeze, cough, spill, and do all sorts of unpleasant and unhygienic things around and with the book they happen to be reading. And to her, the thought of those multitudes of germs was too much to take. And so she buys her books. I love buying books, don't get me wrong. But there is something about a library that is completely enchanting. They stand still in a fast moving world. A quiet sanctuary of trees when the originals are too far away. You can't even get people to be quiet in a movie theater, but everyone is hushed in a library.

And I was thinking last night that it's so appropriate somehow that libraries came into being and continue to exist. Because if there is one thing that is communal, that is shared above anything else it has to be language. It seems so right that the words I'm reading, the exact same words, have been read before and will be read again by different people, in different homes, on different couches, and in different bathtubs. It somehow turns a solitary pleasure into a shared experience amongst strangers you will most likely never meet. But how wonderful that you are connected anyway, in one tiny and intangible way. 

And to bring me back to the beginning, how fitting that this picture was on Humans of New York today. 

"I’m doing my dissertation on medieval literature. I feel a sense of wonder and awe whenever I study old manuscripts. It’s like I’m holding communion with readers from centuries ago. You don’t really get that from a Kindle."

Starting Over

Let's pretend that I didn't take a year long break from writing here.....ok? Ok. In all fairness I have plenty of excuses as to why I didn't. The most compelling being that I went about three months without having internet in my new apartment. But I also just had a busy year in general. I got a job, then moved to Seattle, then was promoted to a better job which required a crazy amount of hours for a few months.....then I broke up with my boyfriend of five years. Which is probably the craziest part of this whole year. But I feel like now I'm finally in a headspace that will allow me to actually focus some attention to this little corner of the internet.

I think that writing here will be a good mental exercise for me. I've found that without the constant of having someone to talk to everyday, my brain can get to be a fairly jumbled mess of my own thoughts. Which isn't a bad thing, necessarily. It's definitely given me some time to think about where I'm at in my life currently and where I want to go in the future. But it's also been scary realizing that for the first time in my adult life I'm the only one in the equation. It's at once completely liberating and completely terrifying. From here on any compromises I make will be with myself only. Decisions will be solely mine, the good and the bad ones.

So I'm going to try to make the most of this year. I'm turning 25. I have a full time job. I'm single and living on my own in a city I really like. I want to travel again. I want to invest in myself more. It's daunting, having so many options open to you all of a sudden. Especially because I have the tendency to become paralyzed by choices. But I think if I can embrace the changes and live a little more passionately, maybe even a little more recklessly than normal, it will completely worth it.