One of the reasons I think I'm feeling a little "in between" things right now is that I recently made the decision to come home early from what should have been a year long commitment. I had received a position in AmeriCorps VISTA, a position that also happened to be in Nebraska..... I think I was really the only one who thought it wasn't going to be that bad. I kind of knew right from the beginning that it was going to be a challenge. Not the work but the whole experience. The culture and socially acceptable viewpoints were so totally foreign to me. There were a few people who I got to know and truly enjoy but on the whole the experience mostly just showed me how lucky I am to be from the PNW.
Despite the cultural difficulties and all the times I had to bite my tongue instead of saying things like, "well no, I don't actually thing all poor people are lazy" (RIGHT??) I think I could have stuck it out for the year if it was just that. But then October rolled around. Those of you who live in the Midwest, seriously, how the hell do you do it year after year? Having never experience negative temperatures, or single digit temperatures, hell I don't think it's even ever gotten down to the teens here I was wholly unprepared for the torture it is to stay inside 24 hours a day. The later part of October and all of November, December, and January were just awful. I don't think I ever truly understood the term stir crazy before. And the real kicker? March wasn't going to roll around and necessarily bring Spring. Oh no, last year they were still getting snow in April and May. MAY. I have no problems admitting that I was a wimp and couldn't handle the weather.
Plus, everything just dies in the winter in Nebraska. Everything is this awful brown color. There are no evergreen trees and steady rain to keep the landscape looking pretty luscious. Nope. Everything just shrivels and dies. They just leave the dead corn crops from the fall rotting in the fields over the winter. It's so fucking depressing. So. I came home. And now am experiencing yet again the in betweenness of not really knowing what I'm doing just yet.
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